Who are we, really, online? Perceptions of people online is something that we have all seen, discussed, and debated. Places like instagram and facebook have come under the spotlight for their ‘false’ representations of people’s lives. But I think we all know that the fabulous people we follow online have real lives that are much more complicated than the perfect photos we all see. It can be easy to lose sight of though. Especially if you are in a tough spot and all you see is everyone else going on ‘perfect holidays’, with their ‘perfect’ friends.
This whole idea was sparked in my head when I was sitting eating my lunch in the staffroom at work. One of my colleagues, who I get on with well, mentioned enjoying my @onebellelife instagram feed. She went on to explain how she has a kind of separation of the ‘two Isobel’s’ she knows! At work she knows me as her manager, someone who is approachable (and a bit of a dork!) Now she is also seeing another aspect of me through my blogging ‘persona’. Of course – the two are exactly the same. She said that she reads my captions on instagram and thinks “wow this woman is so inspiring!” And then she comes into work and laughs with me about typos in emails and what children’s event is being held. But, of course, I am both of these people!
You are a multifaceted human
These two aspects of my personality are not mutually exclusive. It’s important to remember that we all have different ‘selves’ that we inhabit in different situations, with different people. When you are with your parents you are a slightly different version of yourself than when you are with your best friend. That isn’t you being fake or putting on a performance. It’s just that we are complicated creatures with complex interpersonal relationships. It wouldn’t be appropriate to talk to your boss like you do your best friend (for most of us!).
This can sometimes breed a feeling of not being authentic. Everywhere we are seeing people talking about how ‘fake’ someone is, or that you should be the same with every single person you encounter. Somehow we are not being our true selves because we are showing different aspects of ourselves at different times and with different people. But this multifaceted personality is like a diamond.
Your Self is a constantly growing, evolving thing. We all start off as little babies who’s only interaction with the world is through our parents and our own wide eyes. As we grow and age all of the elements of our lives shapes our Self and gives us different perspectives, skills, and traits. Humans are not one dimensional creatures. So never hold yourself to some kind of cardboard cutout ideal of a personality. Every aspect and facet of your personality is you.
Online personalities
When you come online you can be whoever you want to be. Yes, we have all heard the horror stories of people pretending to be something entirely other than who they are. But, this is not the norm. Most of us come online to be ourselves, and share different aspects of ourselves with others. But we don’t usually share our whole personalities in one go!
If you have an instagram account you might have it centred around your pets, your hobby, your fitness, or even the highlights of your daily life. But you wouldn’t necessarily also share your work life along with your new puppy. Perhaps you would keep your knitting and your gardening interests separate on the Facebook groups you join, or your Pinterest boards!
For example – I have an Instagram account just for my Etsy business – @attic1shop. I wouldn’t share my personal day-to-day activities there unless they were relevant for the audience I have on that account! I also have my @onebellelife Instagram account. It’s where I want to share my blog posts, insights, and things that I find inspiring. And I want to share them with people who are searching for those same things. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to use that beautiful space to share my vintage shop – even though it’s something I love!
Does that make me inauthentic? I don’t think so. I think we all have to balance what is relevant, appropriate, and most importantly – what we actually want to share – when we are interacting in person, or online.
Who are you?
Who are you when you are online? Who are you when you are alone, or with your best friend, your mother or your partner? You might come up with a different answer for each of these questions! And there is nothing wrong with that. But I think that when you sit with the answers for a while you will see the truth start to emerge. You are yourself at all times. There is a thread connecting all of these facets that you show to the world. And this thread is you, your awareness and your sense of what is right. It is your insight into what the situation needs from you.
You are sharing your resilience and wisdom when the time calls for it. Your assertiveness and boundaries. Your kindness and compassion. Your intelligence and strategising. Your love and your sense of humour. These are the beautiful facets of your diamond like Self, and you are sharing them with people and moments in the way that feels right to you.
Much like me – when I’m at work I want my team to feel comfortable and at ease with me. I want them to be able to laugh with me while respecting me. And here on this blog I want to inspire you, I want to share my insights and wisdom with you. Most of all I want to help you grow so I am sharing as many aspects of myself as I can because I want to give you the whole picture.
How do you get in touch with your Self?
Ultimately, you need to take the time to reflect and acknowledge your Self. It is so easy to get caught up in educating ourselves, getting a job, working hard, achieving our goals. We forget that we are here, inhabiting this body, living as this Self. And we need to take the time to get to know ourselves.
What is the first step to self esteem, self love, self growth, and self acceptance? Starting to understand our selves. Beginning the process of becoming friends with our selves. And taking the time to acknowledge the different facets of our personalities, how and when we share them, how we feel about these aspects of ourselves. This is how you start the process.
Part of this is simply spending time by your self. With your self. Go for a walk, take a hot bath, meditate, or journal. Make lists of what you love, and what you hate, and what you aren’t quite sure about yet. Reflect on how you react to different situations. Gently investigate how you behave around the different people in your life, how do you share and hold back. All of this you have to do with a gentle hand. Don’t judge yourself for whatever you find on your personal journey. Just become aware of it. This is only the first step – and the first step must be gentle, kind, and open hearted.
Who are you online?
When you start this gentle exploration of yourself and the many facets of your personality then you can begin to see how you share yourself online. What ‘version’ of yourself are you deciding to show in different contexts? Do you want to change how you share your Self online? Do you want to share more, or less of your intimate personality? These are all questions to think about.
None of your answers will be wrong. There is no one ‘correct’ way to be yourself. And there is no rules about how to be yourself online! This is a personal job, where you can decide your boundaries and the level to which you want to share yourself. And rest assured – whatever you decide is okay. It doesn’t make you fake and it doesn’t mean you are being inauthentic. It means you are being true to yourself and that is the only standard you need to worry about.
Final thoughts…
Sometimes it’s other people that draw our attention to different parts of our personalities. It can be hard to view yourself with an uncritical eye. Too often it can feel like we are inventing traits for ourselves when we try to decide what kind of personality we have! But I think you are your truest judge. It’s just necessary to first set aside external expectations, internal judgements, and any sense of having to please other people or live up to any kind of ideal. Deep down you know who you are, you know your strengths and weaknesses.
Whichever aspects of your Self that you decide to share online is good, and right, and proper. Because it is a decision you have made. Please don’t pay too much attention to the constant critique of ‘fakeness’, or inauthenticity. Any facet of your personality is authentic and true.
I would love to hear what you think of this post, and how you feel about how we can be ourselves online!
Love, Isobel x
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